Storm Returns Home

(posted by Meowmie L)

Storm was cremated on June 20th, 12.30pm...almost one week to the hour after I gently cradled Storm in my arms as she peacefully slipped from this world. 

We made our way to the Cambridge Pet Crematorium by train...and on the way we passed through Sawbridgeworth...the village that Storm and Castle were born in and where we collected them from as kittens. We had no idea the train took this route - it was a very poignant moment for us and it triggered a few memories and raised a very teary smile or two.

Jo and I spent some time with Storm beforehand, she looked beautiful, we bathed her in kisses, stroking her, caressing every tiny part of that beautiful little girl that gave us so much love, and that we loved so much.  Her paws were so soft still, her tail so floppy...and when we stroked her head and cheeks it almost felt as if she was gently headbutting us once more...

We took her favourite shoelace toy to her, along with a picture of her and Castle as kittens on one of their first days with us as a family, and another picture of them together which was taken on Storm's last morning with us.  

We then placed a final kiss on her nose 'X' and made our way to the Gardens of Remembrance where we a laid a tiny cat-sized bouquet of flowers at the base of a tree, by a small lake, in Storm's memory...the tiny bouquet was part of a larger, gorgeous bouquet that Ben Vet and his colleagues sent to us in sympathy earlier in the week (pictured below)...it seemed like the right and most fitting thing to do, a gift from us all.  We watched as Stormie, her shoelace and the pictures drifted into the sky in the form of a pure white, clean smoke...

We stayed in the Gardens for almost three hours, sitting on the bench beneath Storm's tree, whilst we waited for Stormie to be returned to us. It was such a beautiful and peaceful place, the Gardens are lovingly cared for, and so are the graves and memorials of all the pets within.





We were then reunited with Stormie..her precious ashes interred in a mango wood pot that Jo and I purchased in Thailand about 6 years ago from Khao Lak beach.  We have another one which is exactly the same, this will be Castle's pot when it is his time to join his sister Stormie.  We travelled back on the train, I cradled Storm and pointed out her birth place, Sawbridgeworth, as we passed through it once again...and then Storm was home again, where she belongs, with her family.

When we were first told that Stormie had lymphoma and that 6-9 months was the average survival time with treatment, our world fell apart, we were sad and we feared what lay ahead of us, how little time we had left. Was Storm going to survive past Christmas? Was it going to be 2, 4 or 6 months or less? Maybe 9 months? Dare we hope for more? From that initial diagnosis in December 2006 every day has been a blessing for us, extra time with our baby girl. When we hit the 9 month mark, the 'top' of the median survival time, we were overjoyed, it seemed such an impossible thing to have hoped for 9 months previously. However, even though Storm seemed normal and well and healthy, we always knew that inside her something wasn't quite right and that one day it would allow the lymphoma to return - for that reason every day really did become a special and cherished day, lived with love, not fear or sadness. When you know you are on borrowed time you make that much more of an effort to enjoy the things that light up your life.

Storm eventually made it to 18 months past diagnosis, beating the lymphoma twice...but sadly her little body just couldn't cope with the second battle, she had become tired. I hope that anyone who stumbles across this blog whilst searching for info on feline lymphoma will draw hope from it...although Storm is no longer here, she fought her fight and won it, she did not suffer and she had a normal quality of life...for twice as long as the best prediction. So, if you too are feeling sad and afraid please think of Stormie and remember how successful her battle with lymphoma was...it's not the end of the world, it's a new beginning...

Thank you to all of you wonderful cats and people on the cat blogosphere for making our blogging so much fun over the past year..and for being such a great source of comfort to us during this very difficult time. We thank our friends on Meezer.com, in particular Jeanie, who has been such a great support throughout and has known Storm online for about 10 years now. We also thank our families too for their love and concern.

Lovely Ben Vet, Caroline Vet, Nurse Ann, Nurse Jo, Nurse Jenna and everyone else at the vet practice - we thank you for giving us this time with Stormie; your care, dedication and love for our little girl was evident (and still is) and we will always be thankful for everything that you have done.

Stormie, we miss you so much, I can't put it into words because no combination of words can do justice to how much we miss you and love you. You are our special girl, always will be and will remain forever in our hearts.

You won in every sense of the word... now sleep tight little lady...love you always and forever, Linda, Jo and Castle xxx

Stormie, February 1st 1996 - June 13th 2008


I was chosen to day
I'm learning to fly
the world took me away,
but please don't you cry.

And I chose you today
to try and be strong
so please don't you cry
and don't say that I'm gone.

When you're feeling alone
just remember our love,
I'm up near the stars
looking down from above.

Remember our love
in a moment you'll see
that I'm still here beide you
When you're thinking of me.

Storm's Last Hours and a Beautiful Tribute from Ben Vet

(posted by Castle, Storm's loving and devoted brother, photos were taken on the day by my Meowmies).

June 13th 2008...we will never forget that date, it was the date on which we had to say goodbye to our adored, brave, strong and courageous Stormie.  It was the right day to say goodbye; the day before she had managed to eat a little, and still moved around...but she did not eat on the morning of June 13th and she seemed a little bit more tired too, not really wanting to leave our cushion.

Storm relaxing on her cushion

After spending the night with Meowmie L on her bed, Storm and I spent the WHOLE morning on our brown fleecy cushion, with the little square of fleece that we have had since we were kittens,  just snuggling into each other, and the Meowmies by our side, watching David Attenborough wildlife documentaries. Meowmie L must have kissed Storm's little 'X' on her nose about a hundred times...it was, after all, her special kissing place, and the first thing that Meowmie L noticed on Storm when she was a kitten...'X' marked the spot - or should that be 'X' marked The Most Beautiful Siamese Kitten In The World?  I think so.  We shared a last few rays of sunlight together, before the sun moved around and no longer shone through the window on us as we cuddled...

Enjoying our last cuddles

Ben Vet showed up at 1.30pm as promised and gently approached Stormie...who, despite barely moving all morning, recognised Ben and welcomed him to our home by gently raising herself up off her cushion slightly and greeting Ben with a headbump...we spent a few minutes all adoring Stormie, talking to her, loving her...

Ben Vet gave Stormie an injection which relaxed her and as she drifted off to a place where she could start her final journey from, my Meowmies held her, stroked her, kissed her and whispered so many words of love to her...Meowmie J then took me from the room and we both stayed in the bedroom together for a few minutes.  Meowmie L stayed with Storm, holding her, looking into her eyes, and reassuring her that everything was now going to be OK...and as Ben Vet sent Storm on her way Meowmie L cradled her, supporting her head gently and thanked her for being so wonderful and for sharing so many beautiful years with us...placing one final kiss on Storm's 'X' just as she departed.

Ben Vet then said a very emotional goodbye and for the next two hours we spent a very quiet and peaceful time together.  Meowmie L cleaned Storm's little eyes and the small blood spot from her leg where she had the catheter - Storm was very particular about her appearance and Meowmie L wanted to make sure she looked as she would have wished .  Storm looked so peaceful, just like she was sleeping, she seemed relaxed and free finally...she looked quite beautiful.  I washed her ears and her bottom and her back legs for her too, for I knew she could no longer do that herself.

Saying goodbye after Ben helped Stormie to the Bridge...

Nurse Ann showed up on time and was very gentle with Stormie, she too saying her goodbyes through a stream of tears...the Meowmies kissed and cuddled Stormie one last time, and then Nurse Ann carefully wrapped Stormie in her towel and left us...Meowmie L saw Stormie off at the door whilst Meowmie J held me tightly and reassured me that I would be OK.  

Ben Vet made everything so perfect and dignified for us and helped us through one of the most difficult days of our lives.  Along with the love that surrounded Storm, Ben's knowledge and care (and that of his colleagues) also helped Stormie live up to the name The Furry Fighter...and helped her win her fight against this illness...she did not lose the fight, it was just time to go, her body was tired.

Here is Ben Vet's tribute to Storm, which he left in the comments for our post dated June 11th 2008..the day we found out we were to lose a very dear and special family member very soon...it really sums up what a special girl Stormie was, and how she should be remembered...she is missed greatly and the tears are still flowing...there is a massive Storm-shaped hole in our lives right now but we know that over time it will get filled up and eventually overflow with beautiful memories of our gorgeous little Stormie.  

From Ben Vet....

On Friday I had to perform one of my most important and yet most difficult tasks as a vet – to send Storm on her way, to prevent such a special cat from suffering.

I have so many great memories of Storm, from the very beginning of her illness when she went home just in time for Christmas (2006).

She was always such a pleasure to treat – she behaved for every blood sample, iv catheter, tablet, ultrasound and xray. She never hissed, scratched or bit, but was so tolerant – understanding even – of everything that we did for her.

The most surprising of all was that, when she was receiving intravenous chemo, she would stay completely still as long as she could hide her head under her blanket. This became a bit of a ritual: We’d get everything ready for the treatment – drugs, catheters, gloves, masks and… Storm’s blanket.

Storm’s meowmies’ dedication was unparalleled and the only factor in any decision was always Storm’s well-being.

Storm was loved by not only her meowmies, but also by every member of our vet Practice (and countless others too, I’m sure). We’ve been very sad since Storm’s passing – not for Storm, because I’m convinced it was the right time for her to leave us – but for her meowmies’ loss and our loss. There has not been a dry eye in the Practice over the last few days and my friends and family who’ve heard so much about her were very sad too.

So, on Friday, we said goodbye to an old friend, a beacon of feline fortitude and a cat that has touched so many lives. We gave her the gift of freedom from suffering and of dignity. And that is how she left us - very calmly, understanding even, that we were doing the very best we could for our dear, beloved Storm.

I will always remember her,
Ben

Storm's last portrait just before she went to The Bridge

I Won

I won because I exceeded all expectations and lived for 18 months instead of the predicted 6-9 months at diagnosis.



I won because I fought the second bout of cancer and made the 3 tumours go away...I just got a little weak and my body has no more to give.



I won because I have been surrounded by love and have had the best family I could wish for.



I did not lose this fight...it is just time for me to go now.

Ben Vet is coming around to see me in my home on Friday at about 1pm, he is going to help me to the Bridge. I am just too weak to carry on - I'm not in pain, just debilitated - I am not going to get better either. My Meowmies love me so much and they are doing the best thing for me...as they have always done.

And please don't think that Friday the 13th is unlucky...it is not because I am lucky in that I am able to spend today and tomorrow with my Meowmies and Castle, doing the things I love to do. I will also be released from this illness and will be going to a beautiful place. 13 is also my Meowmie L's lucky number and birthdate so please celebrate this Friday the 13th as a lucky day...for me.

Meowmie has been playing wildlife DVDs for me today, I love to watch them and listen to the noises so much. Today was David Attenborough films, tomorrow we have March Of The Penguins and 100 Greatest Wildlife Moments, also with David Attenborough (he's the best!).

Thank you all for being my friends over the past year...I hope you will take care of my beautiful Castle for me, he has been the BEST brother ever...I won't be able to visit all the blogs to say a personal goodbye, so I will say one here to you all...and from the bottom of my heart I truly wish you all a happy and healthy life...until we meet again....

Love and purrs and headbutts...always,
Stormie
xxxx

Sleeping Arrangements

How many beds do you have? We have a few...

We have our fleecy Flecta-Pad in the lounge, it sits in front of the radiator and is big enough for both Fat Pants Castle and I to stretch out on (it is actually a Flecta-Pad for dogs).



Then we have another bed in the hallway which is our Harry Bertoia designer chair that has the pad on it that Kaze, Latte and Chase sent to us last year for winning the Halloween competition. Our entry into the competition was Bride of Meezerstein:



We also have a big soft brown fleecy cushion which we bought over from Meowmie J's house when we moved in here. This cushion resides on the orange sofa, which you will recognise in many photos on this blog. We also have a square piece of white fleece material which we have had since we were kittens, my Meowmie said she will never throw it away. In the following picture you can see the brown cushion and the fleece square.



We also perch ourselves on the brown sofa, nestled up to the cushions, especially if Meowmie J comes around. This is me and Castle with our old housemate Dubbs on the brown sofa, he is at the Bridge now, I hope he is waiting for me when I get there.



Since I have been ill again, my Meowmie now moves our Flecta-Pad on to her bed every night at bedtime so that we can all spend as much time as possible together, and sleep near each other too. She likes to nod off with my paw in her hand. We LOVE this new bed - we don't even bother moving to any of our other beds around the house when the Flecta-Pad is on Meowmie's bed. Notice how Castle leans all over me yet again? May be he knows my temperature is a little low...



I have my Vet Visit tomorrow morning...my appetite has all but disappeared again. I didn't even want Tuna Flakes In Gravy this morning. And I was sick once in the night again. Apart from that, I seem OK...purry and happy to be with my Meowmies and Castle, accepting the love surrounding me and dishing out the occasional headbump or two.

Love Stormie
xxx

Meezer Monday Award

I'se got an Award! I am very honoured to receive this Brilliante Weblog Award from the wonderful blogosphere star, ML from Missy and KC! Thank you so much my dear friends...



I would like to pass this on to the gang at Simply Siamese, beautiful Princess, the handsome Ramses, the gorgeous Cheysuli and my adorable recent date Yao-Lin.

I have remained fairly stable, although I have slowed down a little since yesterday, and have not eaten as much as I have been recently, which as you know wasn't really enough anyway. I did a sick up yesterday too, first one in ages. Let's just hope I am having an off-day, I suppose it is to be expected...I have a Vet Visit on Wednesday morning for a check-up and to ascertain whether I can continue with the chemo...although, to be honest, I don't think I have put any weight on...

Meowmie has been in need of a good laugh recently and she saw a comedy show on the TeeVee the other night which made her giggle and shoulder-shake a fair bit. It is a British show called Headcases, the humour is very British and satorical and we hope you enjoy it...

At Home With Brad & Ange - Part One


At Home With Brad & Ange - Part Two
(with special guest Madonna)

Thank you all for your continued purrs...we can hear them!
Love Stormie xxx

Thankful Thursday

I had a check-up at the Vet Place today. When I arrived Nurse Ann came to see me, we are quite bonded and I stretched out of my PTU in the reception area and I allowed her to pick me up and give me a cuddle - a rare treat for Nurse Ann, or anyone else in fact cos I am not keen on heights or cuddles - I prefer strokes and ground level.

I saw Caroline Vet today. She was very lovely and handled me with care and affection. So why Thankful Thursday if I have been to the Vet Place? Well, I am thankful that I weigh the same as I did almost a week ago - this means that the amount I am eating is keeping me on an even keel. Most importantly I haven't lost weight - this means there is a chance that the cancer hasn't come back to get me, cos if it had I would have shown a weight loss for sure. Even cats that eats LOADS and who have cancer attacking them, still lose weight despite their food intake.

I am also thankful because, despite not being able to have chemo for the past two weeks Caroline Vet could not feel any tumours in my tummy. My temperature was a little low but this may be because I *clenched* quite hard when Caroline Vet put the stick in my bum, and she didn't want to force it in there, so my temperature only read 37.8, it should be 38.5

We are still not sure what has caused my poor state lately but it may possibly be a combination of a few things - not getting along with the appetite stimulant Mirtazapine; lack of food intake; damage to my tummy from the chemo and tumours; and the chemo possibly making me feel ill - although this is difficult to determine for sure as I was also taking the Mirtazapine just after I had the chemo. All we know is since we stopped the Mirtazapine I have perked up a little. I got on with the chemo drugs last year, no problem, but maybe a second time is just too proving too much for me to manage...

So what now? Well, we are in a kind if no-win situation. Caroline Vet said that if I don't have chemo very soon, the cancer will definitely come back, but then there is the question of whether the chemo will make me feel ill and put me off my food again? I really can't afford not to eat. But if I don't have chemo then...well...the situation only becomes a 'win' if I have the chemo and it doesn't make me feel bad, but we obviously have to try the chemo to discover this.

So, the plan is, I try to eat as much as I can for the next few days, increase my strength, stay alive...if I succeed in this, I head back to see Ben Vet next Wednesday for a check-up to see if I have gained enough weight/strength to resume chemo, should we decide to go down that route...

I am thankful for all your continued purrs and prayers...oh and I am also thankul for my Meowmies and my brother Castle, here he is squashing up to me on the sofa

Love Stormie
xxx

The Return of Thomasina!

Some of you may remember the little tabby cat that adopted Meowmie J a few months ago, we thought she was a fat kitten, but it turned out she was a very pregnant, very tiny cat. Thomasina eventually ended up giving birth to her kittens under a bush in Meowmie's front garden. We later found out that Thomasina (real name China) shared her home with two HUGE dogs, no wonder she preferred giving birth in a rose bush!!!

Well, guess who has made a return to Meowmie J's house? Yes, our little friend Thomasina! At first the Meowmie's didn't recognise her as she was soooooo tiny and skinny - she looked like Thomasina but was just too small surely? But, no, it is definitely Thomasina, she is just not pregnant and of course she has had 4 kittens suckling off her for a while so she is bound to be thin and small!

Meowmie L thinks the owners have not been responsible and not bothered having her 'done' cos when they first saw her a couple of days ago, Thomasina was rolling around on the floor, and strutting about with her bum in the air...about 2 feet away from a big black Tom cat who obviously had only one thing on his mind! Meowmie L picked up Thomasina, who then growled and hissed (so she obviously only had one thing on her mind too! The hussy!), and carried her away to the safety of Meowmie J's garden, where she started purring and parading again.

Thomasina now seems to have taken up residence in Meowmie J's porch, which is strange because her real home is only 100 yards away! Maybe she is pregnanat again and looking for a safe haven...here is Thomasina, isn't she a beauty?:



As for me...well, no change really. I am eating (not enough though) and drinking of my own free will - Meowmie stopped giving me the appetite stimulant 'Mirtazapine' cos it wasn't working (I ate next to nothing on Saturday or Sunday), and I was being sick and retching whilst taking it, I am not being sick anymore. I actually ate a little less this morning than I have been, but at least I am still trying. I am purry and prummmpy when stroked and spoken to, and give my Meowmie a headbump when she says "Kisses" to me in a high-pitched voice. I am happy to sit peacefully on my various beds and watch the world go on around me. I like to have company and will sit with the Meowmies or Castle - I am not isolating myself or anything like that - and show no signs of pain...but I am quiet in general, very skinny, and I am not at all lively. Meowmie spoke to Ben Vet yesterday and he said that if I am eating and drinking, and showing no signs of pain and seem happy to be around us then "today is not the day".

EDIT: wow, I have just been over to Simply Siamese and they have dedicated their Blog For Peace 'Peace Globe' to little old ME!!! I am so touched by this...and my Meowmie got teary (in a good way). Thank you to my dear friends at Simply Siamese *purrs and headbutts*


Love Stormie xxx

Meezer Mancat Monday

It's Meezer Mancat Monday today because I have a very funny picture of Castle that I want to share with you. He is trying to launch himself at a Flying Shoelace, but just look at his belly and physique! Is it any wonder I am so skinny, not only do I have to contend with my poor appetite, I then can't find any food if I do eventually feel peckish because a certain somecat has stolen it all!!! There is no way he can get off the carpet and fly through the air like my good friends Kaze and Latte!



It is also Meezer Mancat Monday cos Yao-Lin took me out on a date whilst Meowmie was running in Race For Life! I had made a comment on Skittles' blog that I had never been asked out on a date let alone got two marriage proposals (unlike her!)...my face-twin Yao-Lin spotted my comment and whisked me away for the day! What a Gentlecat he is! We spent the day talking about ourselves and checking out our own refelections. It was absolute heaven! The perfect Meezer date! We even look like each other! Thank you Yao-Lin! Here we are on a gondola in venice, trying to catch our reflections in the water, all the photos from our date are available at Yao-Lin's blog:



I have also been given a lovely award today from Katie at Katiez Furry Mews. It is the Rosy Award and it is for me AND my meowmies cos of their efforts in the race yesterday. Thank you sooooo much Katie Kat and the rest of your lovely gang!



I am still quiet and lethargic but I am not in pain, just weak...I have eaten more today though than I have for quite some time...but I am quieter than I have been in the past too...I have enjoyed cuddles with Meowmie J and Castle tonight, and at bedtime I will sleep with Meowmie L, pressed up against her under the duvet, like I did last night...this is quite a rare thing for to do...I usually save that for Saturday mornings when Meowmie has a lie-in!

Thank you for your continued messages, we really will try to get around and thank you...many purrs to you all xxx

Race Report

Meowmie did it! She ran all the way - without even one walking break! I was very surprised cos she didn't sleep too good last night and was up early this morning to try and get me to eat. I didn't want to of course, and she tried me with about 5 different foods, I eventually had a few mouthfuls of the Sheba tuna flakes in gravy - which she had offered to me first, but I didn't want it first time round...I thought I would wait to see what else she had in the cupboard.

So, I eventually waved Meowmie off from the flat at 9.45am, she wore her running clothes and she had a dedication to me, her grandparents, and our old housemate Dubbs The Rabbit pinned to her top - they all died from cancer, Nan had stomach cancer (like me), Grandad had lung cancer (he smoked like a chimney!) and Dubbs had kidney cancer. This is what was pinned on Meowmies running top (Meowmie J also ran and had the same message too, her grandparents died of different things though):



There was about 10,000 runners today I think, all ladies cos it was a ladies only race. The men do their race separately on another day later in the year and it is for prostrate cancer awareness mostly. The first picture is all the runners that were behind Meowmie at the start line, the second picture is all the runners that were in front of Meowmie at the start line!




At 11am sharp the horn sounded and they were off! It was an incredibly emotional event, so many people were running and every single person there had had their lives affected by this awful illness. The tributes on people's backs were heart-wrenching. Meowmie had some tears on the approach to the start line, but she pulled herself together once she crossed the start line. Meowmie said the first 500 yards were quite bunched so she couldn't run as fast as she liked, but after about 1km it was more comfortable and people had spread out more.

Meowmie J finished the race ahead of Meowmie L with a time of 29.58. Meowmie L finished in 32.30. These are both personal bests for my Meowmies, which is extra-special cos the race was for me! They must have been trying really hard for me. I am *very* proud of them. In fact people were still crossing the finish line by the time Meowmie L got home - we can almost see the finish line from our kitchen window, if you bigify the picture below, look down to the left of St. Pauls Cathedral, you will see a road with ALOT of runners still out there!



When Meowmie L got home she tried to feed me but I just had a few licks of tuna flakes in gravy, nothing much. I hopped back on the sofa and then Meowmie L presented me with the medal she got today. She told me that I would always be a winner and whatever happens in the near future no-one can take that away from me. She reminded me that I beat cancer once already, and I have gone far beyond the 6-9 months predicted for me 18 months ago. She said that I was her Little Star, the Meezer she always dreamed of sharing her life with when she was a child...I am sure Castle is too, but I fink she always wanted a Seal-Point.

I actually don't look skinny in this photo, but it is deceiving, I am very skinny, I guess I was puffed out with pride for my two Meowmies:



Thank you all for visiting us...your kind words and support are incredibly comforting, we all thank you from the bottom of our hearts xxx

Rollercoaster

I did warn you all that this lymphoma business was a roller-coaster of emotion didn't I? I did mention that one day can be very different from the next, and it would be a tough ride from time to time. Yes..I am sure I did...

Well, I have just been to see Ben Vet cos the past few days haven't been great. I have been fairly bright, no signs of pain but my food intake has dropped again - I eat but not enough, not even close. I beg for food, but then turn my nose away when I get given it. I am dry-retching about once a day...and on top of that, once a day, I bring up a clear liquid. My Meowmie also noticed yesterday that I felt really skinny again - Ben Vet weighed me and I am down to 2.6kg (5.5lbs), I was 2.95kg (6.5lb) a week ago. I have never, ever been this thin. This is not good at all. I still look pretty though (apart from the bit where they stole my blood)...no?:



Ben Vet had a feel around my tummy and confirmed that he could not feel the lymphoma anymore...but something is obviously preventing me from eating properly, and causing the retching and weight loss. Is it the chemotherapy side effects making me feel less than 100%? Maybe it is the damage caused by the lymphoma and chemo treatment? Maybe the lymphoma is in another part of my body now, such as my bone marrow (tests for this are too invasive and any treatment needed would be too much for me to cope with)? Maybe it is something else we can't detect...?

Ben Vet and my Meowmies are doing everything they can for me. I am being treated for chemo side effects (nausea, loss of appetite, acidy guts) and I am taking a combination of drugs which *should* be helping to make me eat and should alleviate any uncomfortableness I may be feeling. As of today I am now taking the appetite stimulants Periactin daily and Mirtazapine every 3rd day; a Prednisolone steroid daily; and a daily Losec capsule to help my guts should they be feeling uncomfortable.

Whilst I currently remain fairly bright and interactive with Castle and my Meowmies, if I don't respond as expected to these drugs over the next few days, and start to eat and gain strength, then it is highly likely something else is wrong and my quality of life will lessen which is not acceptable...and I also won't be allowed chemo either as I won't be strong enough to deal with it.

Ben Vet said that we need to prepare ourselves for some difficult decision-making if things don't improve over the next few days. The Meowmies agreed and asked Ben Vet - when the time eventually came- whether he would come to the house and help take me to The Rainbow Bridge, he said he would, but he would be upset and 'a mess' too. I hope Castle will be OK when I have to go to The Bridge...I am very worried that he will be lonely without me.

The next milestone that I had set myself (apart from Karl & Ruis' wedding) is tomorrow - seeing my Meowmie cross the finish line in the City of London 5km race that she is dedicating to me, I reckon I will reach that particular milestone...and beyond that I shall keep fighting for as long as my body lets me, of that, be sure! I hope I can eat and get strong again over the next few days!

Love Stormie
xxx

A Special Weekend

Karl and Ruis are getting married this weekend so Castle and I have dressed ourselves up and are heading on over to the Wedding to help them celebrate their very special Star Trek themed wedding day!

I have decided to take advantage of my new lymphoma-induced skinny size zero figure and have opted for a nice, slinky modern, black outfit. Castle has opted for a fashionable, mod-influenced look, the clothing has been carefully tailored to hide his fat. He is NOT wearing a girdle, I repeat, NOT wearing a girdle OK?




Since my last post I have improved - each day I am a little brighter and a little hungrier. On Saturday afternoon my Meowmie had to encourage me to eat by putting food on my lips and putting tiny bits into the side of my mouth using a syringe cos I was refusing to take any food in (despite showing interest). It worked cos later that evening I helped myself to some food and have eaten at every mealtime since then too, and done a little bit of begging from the Meowmies when they eat as well. I am still not eating enough though, and need to increase my intake. I also remain a little quiet but this could be side-effects of the meds making me a bit drowsy.

I did not know this but cats can get an anorexia-type condition whereby they just stop eating so sometimes they need a kick-start like the one my Meowmie gave me. This should only be done on the advice of a vet though. It is very important that a cat eats cos if they don't their liver can get badly damaged and they end up with Hepatic Lipidosis - I think this is a serious medical condition and not a Greek Hip Hop singer.

I finished taking the Losec and Zantac ulcer/internal bleeding medicines on Monday night and I am just taking the appetite stimulant 'Mirtazapine' now. Unfortunately, since I got given all these new meds on Friday I have started to do the occasional frothy, clear sick - not much, just a teaspoon-full or so, once a day. Because the Losec and Zantac meds finished on Monday night and I am still doing these sick-ups, the only culprit can be the appetite stimulant. I doubt it is my steroid as I have taken this continually for almost 18months now. I might try to see if I eat without taking the stimulant...I will double check with Ben Vet or Caroline Vet that this is OK though.

I hope you all have a wonderful time at the Wedding and that you have a super weekend too! Thank you SO MUCH for your thoughts and messages of care and concern, they are greatly appreciated by all of us.

Love Stormie xxx

I Achieved My Goal!

Yesssss! If you type "The Most Beautiful Siamese Cat In The World" into Google...I am the FIRST result!!! YAY! I set this target way back in January! (Gosh, don't I look healthy back then...). I also clocked up my 15,000th visitor yesterday too...ok, page load...but hey, it's still good!

Yesterday's Vet Visit was a strange one, on the one hand there is concern that my demeanour is not good (quiet, low to no appetite) and on the other Caroline Vet and Ben Vet could not feel the 3 tumours inside me anymore! Where have they gone? Have they moved somewhere else? Caroline Vet thinks not; she believes that if the chemo was working, and making them go away from my tummy, then it is unlikely that they have moved somewhere else, although of course this is not guaranteed...

So if my lymphomas are going away, then why am I feeling so out of sorts? Well, I was checked for dehydration and I was indeed dehydrated, my blood was quite thick when they drew some out of me for the blood tests and my temperature was only 36.5 - it should be 38.5. My blood tests showed that my white blood cell count was good, so that day's chemo treatment (vincristine) could be given. Unfortunately, my platelets and urea were high, which indicates internal gut bleeding. Why am I bleeding internally? It is highly likely that the places where the tumours are/were, could be ulcerated from where the chemo has attacked them.

So what now? Well, if the bleed is a serious one my poo would be black and tarry, which it isn't. However, the bleed is obviously substantial enough to be making me lethargic and put me off my food. So I now have to take medicines to treat ulcers so I can feel like eating again. These are a Zantac injection twice a day and a Losec tablet once a day. There is no evidence that I am in pain though.

Caroline Vet said that I should have been feeling a bit better by the evening yesterday, but I wasn't. I showed interest in food and begged from the Meowmie's when they were eating, but as soon as I smelt it I backed off, licking my lips. This happened again this morning, although I did manage to eat about 2 teaspoons full of tuna flakes in gravy before walking away.

I know I have to eat, it is vital, and I AM trying to eat cos Meowmie's eyes get wet now when I don't...but the smell of the food isn't appealing anymore. We could possibly beat this thing again, but we are also so close to the alternative...even Caroline Vet exclaimed "Come on Stormie, come on, you can do it little girl!!" as I left the Vet Place yesterday...but I am so skinny and the bleeding in my stomach is an unknown factor...Caroline Vet also said that we are now doing pretty much all there is to do. I guess we are at a very crucial point.

Here's Castle welcoming me home last night...apart from when he kicked me off the sofa last night (I literally went flying!) he has been a wonderful brother, I think he knows things aren't quite right....

Have a lovely weekend everybody xxx

MeMeez!

I have not been very prudent in keeping up with MeMe's so I have two to complete today. The first one I was tagged for by my lovely Yao-Lin

The rules of the game get posted at the beginning. Each player answers the questions about themselves. At the end of the post,the player than tags 4 or 5 people and post their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog. Let the person who tagged you know when you have posted your answer.


1.What was I doing 10 years ago?
Castle and me were living with Meowmie J and giving her bad asthma and making her skin itch.

2.What are the 5 things on my to do list for today:
- Eat as much as I can
- Drink as much as I should
- A poo
- Play with my Shoelaces
- Be strong and not let the chemo make me feel ropey

3. Snacks I enjoy
- chicken (in all forms)
- smoked salmon
- tuna flakes in gravy

4. Things I would do if I were a billionaire
Money can't buy what I need (a cure) so I will be frivolous and purchase myself the softest, most fleecy, warm bed ever made; a personal chef to make me chicken dinners everyday, experimenting with flavours to tempt me to eat on those times when the chemo make my taste buds go strange and I get fussy (er....I think you have one of those already Stormie - Meowmie); a big house that was converted into two flats, so that Meowmie J could live above us and visit us and see us when she liked, without having to actually live with us and get allergic; a garden run, enclosed so that we couldn't come into danger, and filled with live mice for us to play with.

5. Three of my bad habits:
Moonwalking on my bum across Meowmie's carpet just after I have been to the litter-tray; sharpening my claws on the furniture and carpets; wriggling to get down if I am picked up, I don't like heights and will scratch to get down from a set of arms!

6. Five places I have lived:
Sawbridgeworth, Hertfordshire (where Posh Spice and David Beckham have a home)
Meowmie J's flat
The Vet Place - only for 8 days though
Meowmie L's flat
Nowhere else!

7. Five jobs I have had:
Job? Meezers do not work, people work FOR us!

The very pretty Tamra Maew nominated me for this next MeMe - the Three Name MeMe! This was started by two very wonderful Meezers, Tara and Kavan and here are the rules:

In case you aren’t familiar with The Naming of Cats, in the Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats, by T.S. Eliot, we all have three names! So, in this meme, you must link to the originator of the meme (Tara and Kavan), list the following rules, and then tell us:

1. The name that the family uses daily (such as Peter, Agustus, Alonzo, or James)

2. The name that is particular, a name thats peculiar, and more dignified (such as Munkustrap, Quaxo, or Coricopat)

3. What you are doing when you are thinking of the name that only you know, and will never confess (when engaged in rapt contemplation), that deep and inscrutable singular name

Here goes:

1. Storm
2. Kormie Adouaam Scarlett Cardinal
3. Watching a pigeon

1. Castle
2. Pants Adquaam Blue Moon
3. Thinking about food

I nominate Aoise for both of these MeMe's. She is a fairly new blogging kittie and I don't fink she has done these yet. (Please go and meet her if you haven't done so yet!). I am also going to nominate the lovely lady over at Black Cat for both of these too!

Quick Health Update:
I ate OK last night, appetite dropped off at around 9pm-ish. I then only ate a small amount this morning and I was a bit tired, hardly surprising I guess, seeing as I spent yesterday at the Vet Place having chemo! Hopefully my appetite will be better tonight...
xxxx

Meezer Monday

Well, further to my last post I have remained determined and have eaten when I have been presented food, I have stolen food when I was not supposed to, and I have scrounged from the Meowmie's everytime they have had a meal. My energy levels are still quite low but I am a brighter cat than I was on Thursday/Friday last week. Despite eating I showed no inclination to make room for any new food....if you get my drift...so Meowmie gave me The Most Beautiful Siamese Cat In the World last night and I expelled about 4 inches of poop! (It was in 3 bits, not one big sausage!!! Too.Much.Info..sorry)

So, I went to the Vet Place this morning for a check-up and to see if I was OK to continue the chemo...they weighed me and I was 70gms heavier than I was on Friday, which isn't a lot, but it is a move in the right direction. Meghan Vet took blood samples and my white blood cell count which had measured 2 last Monday, has risen to 6.4, and some other stuff in my blood which they measured was good too; and I was brighter in myself too - which meant my chemo could recommence! Meghan Vet also said that I STILL had a fair bit of poo in me - even after last night! She gave Meowmie the necessary equipment to administer You Know What at home.

So, no time like the present - especially with cancer - we restarted chemo today. I was supposed to have a double dose of chemo today, Vincristine and Cyclophosphamide combined, but Meghan Vet had some trouble getting the catheter in to my vein and she was unsure that it entered the vein 100% cleanly...which is MUST do, it is VITAL that the Vincristine drug does not come into contact with skin, tissue, muscle etc, it can cause terrible damage! So to be on the safe side Meghan Vet only gave my Cyclophosphamide today, I will go back for the Vincristine on Friday if I am feeling OK.

This is me today, just after I got home from my chemo...see how Castle misses me, he kisses me everytime I have been away! Or maybe he could smell the tuna that I had just scoffed down as soon as I got home!



Thank you for your continued purrs and encouragement to eat...I am doing my best, listening to your advice and I am still fighting! :)

PS- I owe Yao-Lin and Tamra Maew a meme, I will try and do these tomorrow!

xxx

The Return of Chicken Face

I am still eating! I had a peaceful, moan-free night and then I woke up and had 1/3 of a small tin of tuna flakes in gravy...and I had another 1/3 throughout the morning. Then Meowmie had chicken for lunch and I wanted to share it, so she gave me some and I enjoyed it very much. Then she went out for a couple of hours to see a movie with Meowmie J...and they both returned laden down with shopping, which included Moroccan chicken and tuna flakes in gravy. I had about another 1/3 of a tin in total throughout the evening and I also had some Moroccan chicken off the Meowmie's dinner plates. Meowmie L then served Castle his chicken terrine dinner - I have only been eating tuna flavoured food lately so she is feeding us separately so I get my fair share - but I stole some of Castle's food too!!! I am also beginning to suspect that Meowmie is having chicken at every meal time so she can tempt me...she even had ham for breakfast but I didn't fancy that today. All of the above is WITHOUT appetite stimulants and anti-nausea too!!!

Meowmie J stayed for most of the evening again tonight...which is nothing short of a miracle, cos she is normally hugely allergic to me and Castle, normally finding it difficult to stay more than 30 minutes at a time before she gets sick. Well, for the past two nights she has stayed for HOURS and I have cuddled up to her too. (For those that don't know, we used to live with Meowmie J but we made her too ill so we moved in with Meowmie L instead). It has been very special for us all to spend so much time all together. It is strange that Meowmie J's allergies are allowing us to be together...

In myself, well I have long periods of being very quiet where I like to just sit pressed up against Meowmie, or on my cushion watching the world around me. I am still lethargic but a little brighter than I was, but my energy levels are very low. I have the will to eat and be around my Beans and Castle and live my life (just more slowly and quietly), but I just don't know if my little body will have the strength to see me through this time, despite eating I don't appear to be gaining weight, I am very boney.

With this illness one day can be very different from the next, but I'm happy at the moment though; I purr and squint my eyes when Meowmie talks to me, and I am pain-free which is very important.

Here is a little video of today's feasting for you to enjoy - and you will see it's not me who has got dementia! See if you can spot the chicken-ignorer in this clip. Madness!!! Thank you for all your well-wishes and thoughts, they really help xxxx

Fruitbats...and a Vet Visit

I went for a check-up today cos I had a bit of moan in the night at 2am and again at 5am, Meowmie offered me food but I just had a cursory lick and walked away. I also have an eye infection (see photo above), my immune system is not working so well anymore.

We saw Meghan Vet today cos Ben Vet was away. Meowmie was concerned that I was in pain, but it appears I am not, I did not flinch or anything when Meghan was squeezing my tummy. Perhaps I was just feeling hungry last night but didn't feel like eating; or I was possibly feeling a little uncomfortable or out of sorts because of what is going on inside me. Meghan said to Meowmie that she should be aware that I was getting old, that I was unwell and that moaning at night is one of the signs of dementia!!! Old? Dementia? I am a beautiful young Princess! OK, I am not grooming so much lately, and I sometimes wobble about, and I m being a fussy eater, but it is cos I am not so well...

I also overheard Meghan Vet telling Meowmie that I had lost a significant amount of weight over the past 3 days...about 200 grams. However, I HAVE been eating, not huge amounts admittedly, but more than I was last weekend. Meghan Vet said that I should be getting stronger and showing signs of improvement given the medicines that I am taking; the fact that I am losing weight and remain lethargic is a big concern...she didn't think this poor response was solely due to my white blood cell count being low, and implied that the cancer might be getting a hold of me....She told Meowmie that things are not looking good and that I really need to eat and gain some weight and be stronger. If I have a good weekend, I am due to go back Monday morning for blood tests and to see whether we can continue chemo or not. If I don't have a good weekend then we need to chat to Ben Vet about managing my condition so I do not suffer, this is very important to my Meowmies.

Well, on hearing the above, as soon as I got home I ran to my foodbowl and ate as much as I could. Meowmie J stayed for dinner tonight and I also helped the Meowmies eat their Moroccan chicken. I wanted to help eat the yoghurt too but they felt it might not be good for my delicate guts at the moment. We all chilled out together and I cuddled up to Meowmie J...this is quite a special thing for me to do cos 1) I am not really a 'cuddler', I prefer strokes and 2) usually Castle doesn't let me cuddle Meowmie J, he attacks me or pushes me away, strangely he allowed me to cuddle Meowmie J for ages tonight.. Meowmie J is his favourite and Meowmie L is my favourite and we are quite protective of our favourites. Then we all watched a wildlife documentary which was about long otters. I have also snacked on ham and ate again after Meowmie J left us...the perfect night in for me! Both Meowmies with me, chicken, ham and a wildlife docco! What more could I possibly wish for? (Well, apart for a cure for this bloody lymphoma thingie).

Love Stormie
xxx

Thankful Thursday

Today it is my Meowmie's turn to be thankful, she is thankful for the continued purrs and prayers and good thoughts coming our way from all corners of the world from our Blogosphere friends.

Meowmie has decided that she is going to show her thanks by taking part in Race For Life on June 1st, it is a 5km (3 mile) run around the City of London. She is going to raise funds for Jane's Appeal - a charity set up by the incredible Jane Tomlinson who was a Fighter, and from whom I take my inspiration!

Jane's Appeal raises funds for cancer care, support and research, acute paediatric care, children's hospices and other children's charities. Meowmie is a beginner runner so 5km will feel like a long way for her! She could do with some exercise and shedding a few pounds too anyway...

If you want to sponsor Meowmie you can do so online through our Just Giving page - please click the button below. We would be so so very grateful and thankful for your kind support.

Meowmie is also thankful because there has been a slight improvement...We don't want to get too excited, because this illness is so up and down and I am still far from 100%, but yesterday evening I was slightly brighter in myself, not much, but enough to notice the difference...and after days of not eating I actually ate a little food last night! Meowmie tried to tempt me with a chicken terrine, and then some ham and I showed interest in the tins and packets being opened but I did not want to eat those. It was a different story when she opened the tuna flakes in gravy though, and I tucked right in and ate about 1/3 of the can and about 1 hour later ate another 1/3 of the can. It was just a small can of food, but it is a start.

I woke Meowmie up this morning at 5.30am with some very deep, moany meezer noises. She took me to the kitchen and offered me some chicken flakes in gravy and I ate it - just a small amount, but still, better than nothing! I then stopped moaning. I ate a small amount again at 8am too, mostly licking off the gravy from the flakes though. I then became a little quiet again and retired to my cushion.

I'm still fighting!!!

Love Stormie
xxx

Toes on Tuesday

Here are my toes, covering up my eyes...trying to let everyone know that I just want to have a rest, thank you!!! I don't want to play Shoelaces and I don't want to do Rough & Tumble or Thundering Herd of Elephants with Castle...



Well, things were going well until Sunday, when I started to slow down a little and my appetite dropped. By Monday morning I had done one sick (furball though, nothing to worry about - eh Meowmie?) and refused to eat a thing. I didn't want to play Shoelaces either. Just as Meowmie was leaving for work I lost my balance and almost toppled over twice - Meowmie was startled by this, so she called Ben Vet and booked me in for a check-up later that day. Ben did some tests and my white blood cell (WBC) count is down to 2, it should be 3 minimum - it was low once before (1.7) in my last chemo treatment. It can make you feel very weak and tired when it drops to low levels. I got given 200ml of fluids - i looked HUGE!!! I also got given anti-nausea jabs and a...guess what...Most Beautiful Siamese Cat In The World. I also had a Baytril anti-biotic jab and am now on AB's for the next 7 days.

I should have been livelier and more alert than I was when I got home last night, and even though I showed interest in food I refused to eat. By bedtime I was withdrawn and just wanted to cuddle with Castle, this was us last night...notice how Castle leans all over me, even when I am poorly!!! I think he calls it cuddling and taking care of me...



No improvement this morning either, so I spent the day with Ben Vet and Ann Nurse, with an IV drip in my leg giving me some goodness. I didn't eat at the Vet Place though either, hardly surprising, I rarely eat when I am there...and it was very busy today and a bit noisy. I also got given anti-nausea, pain relief and an appetite stimulant. My Vet Place neighbour today was another beautiful Seal-Point Meezer called 'Bones', he looked a little bit like Yao-Lin!

I am at home now, and I just want to lay on my cushion, I still won't eat...I am also a little dozy and spaced-out cos I have had opiate painkillers. Hopefully the appetite stimulant will kick in shortly...and then if I can be bothered I will float over to my foodbowl and try to eat...

Chemo treatment is suspended until my WBC count is back to an acceptable level...let's hope we can pull through this blip like I did before, so that I can have the medicine that makes the lymphoma disappear! I hope I am strong enough to do this a second time around.

We will try to get around and say hello over the next few days if possible,

Lots of love
Stormie xxx

Easy Like Sunday Morning

It is very hot today, we absorbed some rays this morning but the heat has wiped us out now - and we are just lazing around in the hallway, the coolest room in our home.




The hot weather makes it difficult for Meowmie to determine whether I am being lethargic because of my condition, or whether I am being lethargic cos of the heat. So she has to judge my behaviour by Castle's - and he has been lethargic, but not quite like I have, so I think my condition is contributing too. I guess that isn't too surprising.

After my chemo on Wednesday, I was very bright, and my appetite was really good, especially when Meowmie J came over for dinner on Thursday and fed me chicken off her plate!!! I have been eating normally, only slowing down really on Saturday, since when Meowmie has helped me with the occasional appetite stimulant - but I have still been eating. Meowmie has not had to tempt me with 4 or 5 different kinds of food, I have happily eaten the first or if I REALLY didn't fancy the first food, the second type presented to me.

This week has definitely been better than last week in terms of appetite and response to the chemo - perhaps this is because this week's chemo was just a single drug, whereas last week's was two types of drug administered together.... I have grown quiet again over the past couple of days though, and I have only passed one tiny poo. Perhaps this is contributing to my lethargy and quietness, as well as the heat and of course, the lymphoma thing. Like Meowmie says though, if I am eating then I must be feeling fairly OK...it would just be nice to have a little more energy.

Hope you all had a lovely weekend!

Meezer Rule Wednesday

Our rule is...always be proud of your Pedigree names! Yup, our lovely breeder Mrs Tank from Kristophe Siamese came up with the goods and emailed our names through to us along with our pedigree history!

Please may I introduce to you...

Adouaam Scarlet Cardinal


Adquaam Blue Moon

Here is our parentage...our Great Grandad was a Grand Champion! But then again his wife was called Lionkins Lady Mottlemoth!!! Bigify to see some more funny...er...um...I mean names to be proud of!



As for me...well appetite has been slow, I stopped eating on Sunday, seemed withdrawn and Monday morning I did a sick-up, and I hadn't been poo since the Thursday...so we did an emergency vet visit and I got some fluids, an enema and a zantac jab and an anti-nausea jab from Caroline Vet, which perked me up a bit, but by this morning I was off my food again and very quiet. We were going to the vet today anyway as I was having my second blast of chemo this afternoon - administered by Sarah Vet. They had to check all my levels were OK and I am glad to report that my red blood cells are back up to 23, they had dropped to 19 on Monday; white blood cells are lower end of normal, but high enough so I could still get my chemo. I also had some fluids and two anti-emetics at the Vet Place.

I am home now, brighter and hungrier - I have eaten properly for the first time in days. Sarah Vet thinks I may have been feeling nauseous over the past few days, hence showing interest in food but balking back when it is presented to me...there is no evidence of pain, in fact I remain playful and love to hunt shoelaces, a cat in pain wouldn't do that. so I have to have anti-nausea jabs daily for the next few days now to se if that helps me out...I'm still fighting!

Thank you all for stopping by to see me!
Love
Stormie
xxx