Rollercoaster

I did warn you all that this lymphoma business was a roller-coaster of emotion didn't I? I did mention that one day can be very different from the next, and it would be a tough ride from time to time. Yes..I am sure I did...

Well, I have just been to see Ben Vet cos the past few days haven't been great. I have been fairly bright, no signs of pain but my food intake has dropped again - I eat but not enough, not even close. I beg for food, but then turn my nose away when I get given it. I am dry-retching about once a day...and on top of that, once a day, I bring up a clear liquid. My Meowmie also noticed yesterday that I felt really skinny again - Ben Vet weighed me and I am down to 2.6kg (5.5lbs), I was 2.95kg (6.5lb) a week ago. I have never, ever been this thin. This is not good at all. I still look pretty though (apart from the bit where they stole my blood)...no?:



Ben Vet had a feel around my tummy and confirmed that he could not feel the lymphoma anymore...but something is obviously preventing me from eating properly, and causing the retching and weight loss. Is it the chemotherapy side effects making me feel less than 100%? Maybe it is the damage caused by the lymphoma and chemo treatment? Maybe the lymphoma is in another part of my body now, such as my bone marrow (tests for this are too invasive and any treatment needed would be too much for me to cope with)? Maybe it is something else we can't detect...?

Ben Vet and my Meowmies are doing everything they can for me. I am being treated for chemo side effects (nausea, loss of appetite, acidy guts) and I am taking a combination of drugs which *should* be helping to make me eat and should alleviate any uncomfortableness I may be feeling. As of today I am now taking the appetite stimulants Periactin daily and Mirtazapine every 3rd day; a Prednisolone steroid daily; and a daily Losec capsule to help my guts should they be feeling uncomfortable.

Whilst I currently remain fairly bright and interactive with Castle and my Meowmies, if I don't respond as expected to these drugs over the next few days, and start to eat and gain strength, then it is highly likely something else is wrong and my quality of life will lessen which is not acceptable...and I also won't be allowed chemo either as I won't be strong enough to deal with it.

Ben Vet said that we need to prepare ourselves for some difficult decision-making if things don't improve over the next few days. The Meowmies agreed and asked Ben Vet - when the time eventually came- whether he would come to the house and help take me to The Rainbow Bridge, he said he would, but he would be upset and 'a mess' too. I hope Castle will be OK when I have to go to The Bridge...I am very worried that he will be lonely without me.

The next milestone that I had set myself (apart from Karl & Ruis' wedding) is tomorrow - seeing my Meowmie cross the finish line in the City of London 5km race that she is dedicating to me, I reckon I will reach that particular milestone...and beyond that I shall keep fighting for as long as my body lets me, of that, be sure! I hope I can eat and get strong again over the next few days!

Love Stormie
xxx